Where are You?

Trying to find God in the midst of tragedy is a very hard thing to do. I want to believe that it is all in His plan, but it was not in my plan or the one I thought You had for me. Why? What was the purpose for taking her away? Why did you want her so bad. I still need her. You are so selfish! Why do you have to be this way? Don't You care about me? Seriously! I feel abandoned and alone. I have trouble sleeping at night, I wake up in the night screaming for my mom and wanting to see her again. I still think that if I go to sleep that I will wake up in the morning and see her. The house is really quiet, I hate being here alone. If I am home alone all I do is think about her.

Lord, Please reveal Yourself to me; guide and direct me. Show me what to do, where to go and how to understand why You allow certain things to happen. Amen

Sadness and Tears

Well it's been just less than 2 weeks since my mom passed away. I still don't understand death and why those we love have to become sick and leave us. Could God not have choosen my mom? Why couldn't He have choosen me or someone else to suffer in such pain? I wish she was here. I miss her terribly. She is going to miss out on so much in my life; seeing me live on my own, hopefully getting married and having children. It makes me so sad that she will be missing out and not be able to share those with her.

At night I lay awake praying that this is all just a dream and I will soon wake up and see my mom once again. I want to see her sitting in her chair watching the news drinking her coffee. I want to see her sitting in the blechers during sports events. I want to see her in the kitchen making our favorite dishes. I want to see her sitting at work and loving it. I just want to see her again. I miss my mom.

Lord, I am deeply saddened that you had to take my mom away from me. 25 years is not long enough. I wanted more time, I needed more time. Why? Why? Why did you have to take her away? I want her back. Are you going to take care of me?

Girls Night!!!

So last night was Girls Night. We went to diner first at Bella Luna...I want the Shwarma!!! Oh and don't wear a short shirt if you have bigger thighs...NOT a pretty look!!! Oh and we raced to see how fast we could eat the after diner mints!!! I think Heidi won...she didn't even taste it!!! That is LAME!!! After diner we had to stop by Wal-Mart to get candy before the movie of course!!! Next time we go to Wal-Mart we have to wear our heels and mini "shirts" and do the catwalk....and sing at the same time. We went and saw The Proposal...it was awesome! I thought Renita was going to get in a show down with the lady in front of us!!! The lady didn't like it that we were so giggly...Renita said that it was going to be a long night!!! It sure was!!! And we can't for get Ramone!!! I saw MORE Ramone than I really wanted to!!! HOLLY COW!!!! Over all it was a GREAT Night!!!! Love all you girls!!!

Confused!

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted! The days just seem to get away from me and I am going to bed even earlier and earler. That is pitiful!
Anyways, the reason for my post. Over the past year I have been in contact with my "boyfriend" (not really sure if we are official yet) cause he is in the Navy (Hawaii-how nice is that). We have only been able to contact eachother by text and emails so it has been really hard to commuicate and get to know eachother on a deeper level. It really frustrates me, but I am ok with it for now. I have never met anyone like him before. His desire for God and to share Jesus is like none I have ever seen. As much as I admire and think highly of him I am not sure if he is the "ONE." I mean how do you really tell if this person is someone you could spend the rest of your life with. Is it just my feelings or is it something more? Anyways, I am sooo excited for him to come and visit for Christmas, it has been a whole year since I have seen him.

A Day of Soccer and FUN!!!

Birthday....New Camera and.......TATTOO!!!!!

So yesterday was my birthday! I am getting soo old!
Anyways the other day at work I put my drink in my purse and it tipped over and leaked all over! Luckly it was only water, but still it ruined my camera!!! So with my birthday money I bought a new one and it is totally cool! I love it!!
Today my sister and I got our first tattoo's! It hurt like you wouldn't believe! I squeezed my sisters hand so hard it turned purple!!! Well that's about it for me right now!

SORRY!!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been really tired since I started my new job. Who would have thought that working fulltime would make you so tired, even if you are doing nothing. Makes me go, "HHHMMMM"! But other than working I lead the most boring life known to man kind! I work the come home, watch tv, and go to bed then do it the next day! So sometimes it is hard to post things when I do nothing exciting!

If something great comes along the I will let you know how it went!!

A Night With The T Girls!!!

So lastnight I got to spend the evening with the T girls while the parents were out learning lots!

P.S. R, you will have to fill me in! No joke!

Job Update.....I still have one!!!

Sorry I have not been on in a while! I have been in training all week and was studying every night to pass my test that i took today! I DID PASS!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! It has been really good and I am enjoying myself alot! The people I work with are get, for the most part! haha I will let you know more later!

You Belong in 1967

You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Yeah I think it is all true except the drugs part!!! HAHA

I'm A BIG GIRL NOW!!!!!

HAHA...JUST SING IT I WON'T TELL!!!

I am off to my first full day of work for the first time at a new job!!! SCARY, I know!!!! It seems like just yesterday I was trying out for my high school basketball team and trying to finish my homework. But that was over 6 years ago, AMAZING!!!! Time just seems to pass by so fast that I don't really realize it is gone until I take these moments and reflect on them. Now I am trying to work on staying in the moment so that I don't miss everything in life ( i tend to stay in the past or focus on the future). Well anyway I am off to work as an adult not a child anymore!!!!! YYYYAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleepless Nights!

So for some reason I have been having trouble sleeping at night the past few days. Though it is not unusual for me to have trouble sleeping, lately it has been really bad. You would think that I would be used to it by now but I am not. It is so hard trying to go to sleep for 2 hours and your brain won't stop turning over and over with random thoughts that aren't really important at that moment. I am really going to need my sleep when I start my job cause I don't do very well on a lack of sleep, trust me!!!! I get a little ugly!!! It is a sin that I have, along with all the rest! Anyways, I need God to help calm my thoughts and I have prayed that He will, but if you would do the same I would appreciate it a lot.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

I finally heard back this morning that I got the job that I originally applied for and I start on the 15th doing the training!!! YAY (I am singing and dancing at the same time)!!!! I can't wait! I do need some more dress pants and better shoes, cause if you know me at all...I don't really dress up and I have to wear buisness clothes!!! Yikes!!! So if you know of any sales please let me know!

Job Update!

So here is the update on the job situation.

I did hear anything about the job that I applied for for about a week and a half. Then TODAY I got a call from the HR lady and she said she was out of town, but another lady at a diffrent branch was supposed to call me...SHE DIDN'T, until today. So I got another interview with her tomorrow. But then I got another call at 4:57 from another guy in the HR department about the original job that I interviewed for and he wants to talk to me about that position again...I think he might give it to me, but I am not sure. So, I am in a bit of a pickle between two jobs in the same company! This is a good thing, but very stressful for me!

Trip To Manhattan!!!!

So my sister and I took our very first trip together to go to our neighbors wedding in Manhattan. It was a long day!!!! Here are a few pics from our adventure! And maybe a video!





So we decided to sing as loud as we could to 3 Dog Night!!!

This was my bestfriend all the way there and back!!!! I couldn't have made it without you!!!

This is the lovely truck that we followed most of the way there, and every time I tried to pass him someone was coming the other way!!!!

One of many barns we saw on the way there!!! And this one happens to be a friend of mines parents barn!!!

Another Barn!!!

Guess what? Another Barn!!!

On our way we decided to stop by our Grandparents old house in Council Grove! It is called the Corey House!!! They moved out and someone turned it into a bed and breakfast (and painted it this gross pink).

We were taking pics out in front of it and then some people asked us if we needed some help and we told them that it was our Grandparents house and the lady was so nice she let us go inside and look around. We had not been there in many year, since we were real little.

This is on the front of the Corey House and tells about it!

We finally made it to the church!!!!

This is the car that the Bride and Groom road away in after the wedding!

So needles to say we had a good time, but it was a really long day!

Really Frustrated!!!!!!!!

K, so I have yet to hear about the job and I have called a number of times and still nothing! So I called the HR lady to find out and she didn't know anythings so she said she would try to find out and then let me know ASAP! She also said that if I didn't get this position that she would try to find a different one....that is good! But I still haven't heard from her today, so I am really frustrated!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Closer to God

So lately I have been striving to be closer to God! There are points in life where you are going about your life and feel that something is missing and yet you don't know what it is. Then finally when you are so far away from Him, that is when you realize exactly that, you are too far from Him and He wants you closer to Him. For me it wasn't real clear that that was what I needed to do. Cause I go to church, lead a small group, teach two's Sunday school class, but yet I still was not where God was wanting me to be. He wanted to spend time with me and I with Him. And I have that desire, but yet it is the inevitable time factor! I haven't even been reading like I usually do, I have yet to find a book resently that I desire to read (besides the BIBLE). If you have any suggestions please let me know!

It's In The Valleys I Grow

Sometimes life seems so hard
Full of pain, anger, and frustration
It's then I have to remember
That's it's in the valleys I grow.

I've been on top of the mountian
And never thought I could feel this pain again
Or experience God's love the way I did before
That I might be living apart from Him.

I have so much to learn
And my growth seems so slow
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do
But I am very sure of one thing,
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low
Just give me a gentle reminder
That's it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow.

WAITING!!!

Waiting to hear from a job is so boring! Especially now that the rest of my family is gone all day long. But i do have the Olympics to keep me entertained. I just hope i hear from them soon! As least i am saving on gas, cause i don't have to drive anywhere!!! haha

Job

So I have applied at 3 or 4 different banks as a FT Teller in the last week and finally heard from one today!!!! YAY!!!! But we played phone tag all afternoon! I finally got to talk to the lady in charge of human resources and I am now in the process of getting the job!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!! I have been looking for a job for forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray that this all works out and I will begin to be a "real adult"!!!