Where are You?

Trying to find God in the midst of tragedy is a very hard thing to do. I want to believe that it is all in His plan, but it was not in my plan or the one I thought You had for me. Why? What was the purpose for taking her away? Why did you want her so bad. I still need her. You are so selfish! Why do you have to be this way? Don't You care about me? Seriously! I feel abandoned and alone. I have trouble sleeping at night, I wake up in the night screaming for my mom and wanting to see her again. I still think that if I go to sleep that I will wake up in the morning and see her. The house is really quiet, I hate being here alone. If I am home alone all I do is think about her.

Lord, Please reveal Yourself to me; guide and direct me. Show me what to do, where to go and how to understand why You allow certain things to happen. Amen

Sadness and Tears

Well it's been just less than 2 weeks since my mom passed away. I still don't understand death and why those we love have to become sick and leave us. Could God not have choosen my mom? Why couldn't He have choosen me or someone else to suffer in such pain? I wish she was here. I miss her terribly. She is going to miss out on so much in my life; seeing me live on my own, hopefully getting married and having children. It makes me so sad that she will be missing out and not be able to share those with her.

At night I lay awake praying that this is all just a dream and I will soon wake up and see my mom once again. I want to see her sitting in her chair watching the news drinking her coffee. I want to see her sitting in the blechers during sports events. I want to see her in the kitchen making our favorite dishes. I want to see her sitting at work and loving it. I just want to see her again. I miss my mom.

Lord, I am deeply saddened that you had to take my mom away from me. 25 years is not long enough. I wanted more time, I needed more time. Why? Why? Why did you have to take her away? I want her back. Are you going to take care of me?

Girls Night!!!

So last night was Girls Night. We went to diner first at Bella Luna...I want the Shwarma!!! Oh and don't wear a short shirt if you have bigger thighs...NOT a pretty look!!! Oh and we raced to see how fast we could eat the after diner mints!!! I think Heidi won...she didn't even taste it!!! That is LAME!!! After diner we had to stop by Wal-Mart to get candy before the movie of course!!! Next time we go to Wal-Mart we have to wear our heels and mini "shirts" and do the catwalk....and sing at the same time. We went and saw The Proposal...it was awesome! I thought Renita was going to get in a show down with the lady in front of us!!! The lady didn't like it that we were so giggly...Renita said that it was going to be a long night!!! It sure was!!! And we can't for get Ramone!!! I saw MORE Ramone than I really wanted to!!! HOLLY COW!!!! Over all it was a GREAT Night!!!! Love all you girls!!!

Confused!

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted! The days just seem to get away from me and I am going to bed even earlier and earler. That is pitiful!
Anyways, the reason for my post. Over the past year I have been in contact with my "boyfriend" (not really sure if we are official yet) cause he is in the Navy (Hawaii-how nice is that). We have only been able to contact eachother by text and emails so it has been really hard to commuicate and get to know eachother on a deeper level. It really frustrates me, but I am ok with it for now. I have never met anyone like him before. His desire for God and to share Jesus is like none I have ever seen. As much as I admire and think highly of him I am not sure if he is the "ONE." I mean how do you really tell if this person is someone you could spend the rest of your life with. Is it just my feelings or is it something more? Anyways, I am sooo excited for him to come and visit for Christmas, it has been a whole year since I have seen him.

A Day of Soccer and FUN!!!

Birthday....New Camera and.......TATTOO!!!!!

So yesterday was my birthday! I am getting soo old!
Anyways the other day at work I put my drink in my purse and it tipped over and leaked all over! Luckly it was only water, but still it ruined my camera!!! So with my birthday money I bought a new one and it is totally cool! I love it!!
Today my sister and I got our first tattoo's! It hurt like you wouldn't believe! I squeezed my sisters hand so hard it turned purple!!! Well that's about it for me right now!