Sunday, March 21, 2010

Where are You?

Trying to find God in the midst of tragedy is a very hard thing to do. I want to believe that it is all in His plan, but it was not in my plan or the one I thought You had for me. Why? What was the purpose for taking her away? Why did you want her so bad. I still need her. You are so selfish! Why do you have to be this way? Don't You care about me? Seriously! I feel abandoned and alone. I have trouble sleeping at night, I wake up in the night screaming for my mom and wanting to see her again. I still think that if I go to sleep that I will wake up in the morning and see her. The house is really quiet, I hate being here alone. If I am home alone all I do is think about her.

Lord, Please reveal Yourself to me; guide and direct me. Show me what to do, where to go and how to understand why You allow certain things to happen. Amen

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sadness and Tears

Well it's been just less than 2 weeks since my mom passed away. I still don't understand death and why those we love have to become sick and leave us. Could God not have choosen my mom? Why couldn't He have choosen me or someone else to suffer in such pain? I wish she was here. I miss her terribly. She is going to miss out on so much in my life; seeing me live on my own, hopefully getting married and having children. It makes me so sad that she will be missing out and not be able to share those with her.

At night I lay awake praying that this is all just a dream and I will soon wake up and see my mom once again. I want to see her sitting in her chair watching the news drinking her coffee. I want to see her sitting in the blechers during sports events. I want to see her in the kitchen making our favorite dishes. I want to see her sitting at work and loving it. I just want to see her again. I miss my mom.

Lord, I am deeply saddened that you had to take my mom away from me. 25 years is not long enough. I wanted more time, I needed more time. Why? Why? Why did you have to take her away? I want her back. Are you going to take care of me?